Life goes on

Why is it that when you are about to walk out the door in a hurry, both baby's shoes are missing and someone (same baby) breaks a glass on the floor? The whirlwind that we live is such a comedy. You can choose to freak out and scream at everyone (occasionally I have done this) or just roll with it and continue to plow through the series of events. I looked at my house this week, which after caring for Debra recently, looks like a giant snowglobe that someone shook. I actually thought of just shifting rooms around since all the contents of each room had been swapped anyway. It took us yesterday morning to get most things back in order. Perspective, perspective, perspective. I prayed that I would learn that perspective, but more importantly, KEEP it after going through Rachael's cancer. Michael is growing up fast and already has mastered how to dangerously make his way to the tabletop. Rachael is getting ready to make her first Holy Communion this week, so there's lots of conversation between she and her sisters about her hairstyle for said event. (eyeroll here). Sophie is getting excited about their ballet recital in 2 wks.. Bret continues to play and improve at Lacrosse, which I still think is an opportunity to whack kids with a stick...hard. Summer is coming and both Bret and Emily are going to scout camps. Emily, my little maternal girl, is currently trying hard to nurse an injured butterfly back to health. Nature's cruelty is hard to swallow when you're 10.
It's been a busy 2 weeks here, and as I talked to another homeschooling mom, we all agreed we're pretty whipped. I don't know how I would have gotten through so much stuff in the last year without my faith and my church. I know that sounds cliche, but really: to walk from life issue to life issue, I feel like I took each step with the crutch of the sacraments, and with a priest to administer them. Lucky for me, I also have found priests that can not only administer the sacraments, but that can explain their relevance to our life. Fr. Bauer and others can take real life, and join it to the mystical life, and help you to weave it into your day-to-day. Each big step has some developmental milestone attached to it. Natural death, birth, growth and maturing, unnatural early death, the teen years, choices, decisions. We are on this wheel of life, where we have the chance to see its meaning in life lessons, and also have the chance to contribute to the good in the world with our actions. To know that you are making this effort because of the benevolence of God, His Son, His mother, and that ultimately, it all has a payoff, even if you can't see it daily. I like knowing that there is so much more to our walk of life than just drudgery. That suffering can be useful, that sorrow can dig your well of compassion a little deeper, that kindness matters since we're all shouldering our own burdens. Anyway. I'm in my thoughtful funk as Michael is chopping on my leg with a butter spreader...where did he get that??????

Easter on pause

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Well, here's the Easter pics I've kept you waiting for. I also missed Michael's birthday in this blog, but he did indeed turn one, and we had a nice time watching him smear cake/icing all over himself. His Godparents joined us to watch, and brought him a statue of St. Michael along with a huge fluffy puppy dog that he drags around the house. Yesterday we buried Bob, and it was a beautiful sunny day, and everything went perfectly. Alex standing up to speak about his dad was a heartbreaker, but he did a great job. Bret and the Firehammer boys and Mark B. were altar servers, and of course, as a mom that's always a proud moment. Bret was a pallbearer along with some of the other dads and relatives. Lots of tears and laughs in the same afternoon. We head back there today to help to put their house back in order from the descent of all the people. It's still so surreal.

The edges of life

This week I have been at Debra's place for a majority of my time. My girls play with Elizabeth and keep her occupied, and my Bret plays with Eric to keep him busy. I keep busy and keep Debra distracted. I am not alone, of course. The house is always busy with people coming and going, planning and hugging, etc. So much food!! I swear I've gained weight. The movement in the house seems to wear down the edges of the painful grief like a file. Then early this morning, (4:30 a.m.) I got the call that my friend Sarah was in hard labor, and I was her doula. We raced over to the hospital, and little Elijah Karol was born about a half an hour later. Easy. The joy in the room, and the new and changing dynamics of their family, "moving over" to make room for little Eli was great to watch. The two realities of life, each with their own layer of hope, within 5 days of each other. Death and life, hope in both. A lot for me to process. I feel like I need to be quiet about it all, and just sit back and let both moments saturate me with their meaning. It's too simple and too complex both, to say much about...at least, too much for this brain...operating on little sleep and emotional highs and lows. Now we will serve both families; the grieving and the joyful, and it will fill our life with, well, with what life is all about.

Sick at heart

I wanted to update with some new Easter morning pictures, but in light of recent events, I just can't. I'm posting tonight about a family in our homeschool group, who's dad was tragically killed yesterday afternoon. He was riding his bicycle and was hit by an older man driving a truck. It was a beautiful sunny day; how he didn't see Bob, I still can't understand. The sadness in the Firehammer house is palpable. That slow moving, don't-know-what-to-say reality is there. You want to take their pain away a little, reverse time, change ONE thing in the day's circumstantial line-up. I know that feeling of time stopped. Shock and confusion. "Can someone explain this to me again??" type of helplessness. This can't be real. Only it's not me this time, and someone else; my friend Debra has to feel the physical and emotional pain. Our unbelievable, fantastic homeschooing families rushed to her side, and we all took turns consoling, holding, and crying with Debra. Food, paper products, drinks, priests and rosaries all appeared as if out of nowhere. At one point we all prayed a rosary, led by Fr. Bauer. Moms, dads, kids, teens, all connected and praying for the consolation that only a mother can give. Yes, our heavenly mom. Debra said it best, "I have to hold onto the hope that I'll see him again." That's the gem that our faith holds: hope of a future in another life, another time. See you then Bob!

Signs of spring

Well, the title above is "springy" but right now the temp. outside is dropping as a rouge cold front is passing through. It's all okay though. It'll help us appreciate those 99 degree Memphis days coming. Ahem. So we had the weekend of Easter egg hunts. One at St. Francis, one at Bass pro shop, and one in the neighborhood. Lots of candy. 30 second Easter egg hunts. The Bass pro shop had a promotion for a vacation house in MO that we picked up for our family to all get together at next summer sometime. Cool! All of our kids will be a year older, and by then we'll all crave each other's company. Not that we don't all the time, but it helps take the sting out of waiting (and saving up $$) that long. Well,... not really!
Bret's Lacrosse (note, the "cool" way to write this is Lax apparently. Just want you to be in the know) is going well. The team as a whole is still trying to win games, but Bret's skills are getting better and better. It's fun to watch and just a little bit frightening too. Michael is walking so well, and getting a cute sense of humor. He now knows his "ball" and loves to throw it. The girls are doing great in school. Emily has 5 more lessons to finish her English! She was so happy to discover that last week! She's devouring the "Trixie Belden" series currently.
The girls all decorated their Easter baskets for a contest at the neighborhood egg hunt. They worked on themes, and picked flowers, and made a general girly-creative-effort. All three of them stood poised by the contest table, holding their breath as the 17 yr. old girl, dressed as the Easter bunny, picked....of course...the store-bought basket. Emily was, let's not beat aroung the bush, pissed off. She decided to ban next year's contest. I dutifully told her she was being a poor sport, but secretly agreed with her. The other two didn't care too much. They were occupied with candy.
Bret and Bret went on a boy scout campout this weekend, a skills-contest actually. Their patrols all got blue ribbons. They had 3 patrols represented. Each has about 6 kids. There were almost 600 boy scouts there! So, they rocked! And got sunburnt. :-)