Easter on pause

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Well, here's the Easter pics I've kept you waiting for. I also missed Michael's birthday in this blog, but he did indeed turn one, and we had a nice time watching him smear cake/icing all over himself. His Godparents joined us to watch, and brought him a statue of St. Michael along with a huge fluffy puppy dog that he drags around the house. Yesterday we buried Bob, and it was a beautiful sunny day, and everything went perfectly. Alex standing up to speak about his dad was a heartbreaker, but he did a great job. Bret and the Firehammer boys and Mark B. were altar servers, and of course, as a mom that's always a proud moment. Bret was a pallbearer along with some of the other dads and relatives. Lots of tears and laughs in the same afternoon. We head back there today to help to put their house back in order from the descent of all the people. It's still so surreal.

The edges of life

This week I have been at Debra's place for a majority of my time. My girls play with Elizabeth and keep her occupied, and my Bret plays with Eric to keep him busy. I keep busy and keep Debra distracted. I am not alone, of course. The house is always busy with people coming and going, planning and hugging, etc. So much food!! I swear I've gained weight. The movement in the house seems to wear down the edges of the painful grief like a file. Then early this morning, (4:30 a.m.) I got the call that my friend Sarah was in hard labor, and I was her doula. We raced over to the hospital, and little Elijah Karol was born about a half an hour later. Easy. The joy in the room, and the new and changing dynamics of their family, "moving over" to make room for little Eli was great to watch. The two realities of life, each with their own layer of hope, within 5 days of each other. Death and life, hope in both. A lot for me to process. I feel like I need to be quiet about it all, and just sit back and let both moments saturate me with their meaning. It's too simple and too complex both, to say much about...at least, too much for this brain...operating on little sleep and emotional highs and lows. Now we will serve both families; the grieving and the joyful, and it will fill our life with, well, with what life is all about.

Sick at heart

I wanted to update with some new Easter morning pictures, but in light of recent events, I just can't. I'm posting tonight about a family in our homeschool group, who's dad was tragically killed yesterday afternoon. He was riding his bicycle and was hit by an older man driving a truck. It was a beautiful sunny day; how he didn't see Bob, I still can't understand. The sadness in the Firehammer house is palpable. That slow moving, don't-know-what-to-say reality is there. You want to take their pain away a little, reverse time, change ONE thing in the day's circumstantial line-up. I know that feeling of time stopped. Shock and confusion. "Can someone explain this to me again??" type of helplessness. This can't be real. Only it's not me this time, and someone else; my friend Debra has to feel the physical and emotional pain. Our unbelievable, fantastic homeschooing families rushed to her side, and we all took turns consoling, holding, and crying with Debra. Food, paper products, drinks, priests and rosaries all appeared as if out of nowhere. At one point we all prayed a rosary, led by Fr. Bauer. Moms, dads, kids, teens, all connected and praying for the consolation that only a mother can give. Yes, our heavenly mom. Debra said it best, "I have to hold onto the hope that I'll see him again." That's the gem that our faith holds: hope of a future in another life, another time. See you then Bob!

Signs of spring

Well, the title above is "springy" but right now the temp. outside is dropping as a rouge cold front is passing through. It's all okay though. It'll help us appreciate those 99 degree Memphis days coming. Ahem. So we had the weekend of Easter egg hunts. One at St. Francis, one at Bass pro shop, and one in the neighborhood. Lots of candy. 30 second Easter egg hunts. The Bass pro shop had a promotion for a vacation house in MO that we picked up for our family to all get together at next summer sometime. Cool! All of our kids will be a year older, and by then we'll all crave each other's company. Not that we don't all the time, but it helps take the sting out of waiting (and saving up $$) that long. Well,... not really!
Bret's Lacrosse (note, the "cool" way to write this is Lax apparently. Just want you to be in the know) is going well. The team as a whole is still trying to win games, but Bret's skills are getting better and better. It's fun to watch and just a little bit frightening too. Michael is walking so well, and getting a cute sense of humor. He now knows his "ball" and loves to throw it. The girls are doing great in school. Emily has 5 more lessons to finish her English! She was so happy to discover that last week! She's devouring the "Trixie Belden" series currently.
The girls all decorated their Easter baskets for a contest at the neighborhood egg hunt. They worked on themes, and picked flowers, and made a general girly-creative-effort. All three of them stood poised by the contest table, holding their breath as the 17 yr. old girl, dressed as the Easter bunny, picked....of course...the store-bought basket. Emily was, let's not beat aroung the bush, pissed off. She decided to ban next year's contest. I dutifully told her she was being a poor sport, but secretly agreed with her. The other two didn't care too much. They were occupied with candy.
Bret and Bret went on a boy scout campout this weekend, a skills-contest actually. Their patrols all got blue ribbons. They had 3 patrols represented. Each has about 6 kids. There were almost 600 boy scouts there! So, they rocked! And got sunburnt. :-)

Not too much to report

Life goes on at full speed around here. Sometimes I miss the days of forced solitude at home when Rachael was immune-suppressed. Bret played his first Lacrosse game last night. It was cool to watch...kind of a combination of football, hockey, and soccer. Clearly, I am a novice as a Lacrosse spectator. I kept wondering if there was a hat trick coming??? Spring break for Bret went by too fast, and the girls took a mini-spring break while he was home. The homeschooling conference was this past weekend. Hey, we're all broke right? I say we barter. Sales were down and we all wanted more than we had $$ for. The speaker was great though and it got us all back on track. During that weekend, Rachael, Sophie and Michael all spiked high fevers at night. Not too much sleep for me, so I think I'm still recovering from it. Tomorrow is the feast day of St. Joseph, and we all get a break from our lenten fasts. Cool. The girls made this cool lenten craft called the "lenten garden." It's supposed to depict Golgotha, the tomb, and the garden of Gethsemane. They added the Sea of Galilee and some grape vines. Cute. And that's about it here.

Me vs. nature; or me helping nature.

Today I spent most of the day outside doing battle with my backyard. I counted 119 trees; but that's probably not accurate since I was counting while in motion on the rider mower. It's probably close though, give or take a few trees. Therefore, we have a blanket of leaves that need some attention. My whole neighborhood worked daily through last fall to eliminate every single leaf from their 2 acre (ave. size) lot. They have the elimination process down to a tee. Backpack leaf blowers, lawn services, etc. We, however did nothing. I have this theory: trees in a forest (which is kind where we live) drop their leaves annually, and they sit there and decay, forming over time, a rich humus-y soil layer right? So, why would it be beneficial to eliminate the fallen leaves every year? Isn't that depleting a nutrient source for the...119 trees?? (and I haven't even talked about the front yard!!!) So, I'm leaving the leaves. My husband thinks I'm a little crazy, but I think it's a good thing. I ran over most of the backyard repeatedly with the mower, mulching down all the leaves into teeny tiny shreds to help them decay faster. As I mowed along, Michael on my lap, I looked over at each neighbor's pristine yard, wondering if I was providing enough material for them to talk about at dinner tonight. "Freako tree-hugger-new-neighbor" came to mind. "Lazy, cheap, no leaf-blowing family" was another one. But then I thought about my happy trees, and helping mother nature along, and I felt better. So my husband likes to call me "haphazard," and honey, I sure was today. It was so theraputic to wind in and out of those trees in no particular order, mulching leaves down. Totally and blissfully haphazard. I picked up fallen limbs all over the place and stacked them in the fire-pit pile for the first campfire of the year. It's great. Later this week, I'll work on the front yard. It's hilly and a little more treacherous, so I'll work out my strategy first, so the visual of me rolling down the incline on the rider doesn't manifest...lol. Of course I can only do all this because Bret is on spring break this week and can help watch Michael. I also painted several spots on the front porch where squirrels and wood bees are snacking on the wood (geez!). So, I'm pretty much the home maintenance girl this week! And lastly, here's a few pictures of Michael sporting his new haircut.

Snow

Another snow day here. It was totally beautiful, inspiring, cold, adventuresome, breathtaking, melty, and fun. Enjoy!